It's 1:30 AM and I can't even get a wink of sleep although I'm physically and mentally tired. My mind is clouded by a huge decision to make: to continue digging the hole that I have made for myself and make everyone happy or to go with my gut instinct, which has been tainted by a prior financially costly experience due to trust, and piss everyone off?
To the people directly involved in this sticky situation, my definition of "digging a hole" is really no big deal at all. They would say: "You are shooting yourself in the foot with this stubbornness. People don't play by the rules all the time. There's nothing to worry about." If I was 24 or even 28, without the nasty lessons that I had to learn the hard way, I would agree. However, this situation is obviously causing me enough stress to stay wide awake despite my physical and emotional fatigue. Contracts are there for a reason: people want to protect themselves against others. Humans are irrational creatures and their behaviors are not predictable. In addition, with very few exceptions, people usually look out for themselves before others. I don't believe that my concerns are invalid...
What has this mess taught me, once again? For one, I am truly not made for finance management and I will try my best to avoid them in the future. I will be happy if I can keep my checkbook balanced. Secondly, I need to assess things carefully before committing myself to any responsibility, thinking that I can do great things. It's too bad that I am beginning to question the purpose to the "great thing" that I had set out to do in the first place.
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