Can't Let Go

This quarter has gone by so quickly that I feel like I have not learned anything even though I am always busy. Aside from attending lectures, I hardly have any time to study the dense materials for the five remaining classes that we have. Thank goodness p-chem is over...I still don't know the final grade though. Hopefully, I've scored enough to get a "C" in the class overall. I was actually hoping to pass the course with a "D" before going into the final. I had such a hard time focusing when I looked over the materials the weekend before the exam. Luckily, due to errors in the printing of the test, we were given 40 free points (20% of the test), and I only needed a 22.7% to pass the class with a "D". I hope I did enough to get the 40% I needed for the "C".

For the past few weeks, I've been spending most of my time with Phi Delta Chi's (PDC is a professional pharmacy fraternity) pledge class, completing events required for the induction to the family. During the process, I have experienced first-hand how frustrating leadership can be, especially when you are forced to step up because no one else has bothered to do so. I felt that I was doing all the organization by myself even though I was supposed to work with my fundraising team.

Stress from school and an unpleasant phone call from the collections agency about a huge debt that wasn't even mine (but I had to take care of anyway) escalated my negative feelings and I just blew up. I said things that I shouldn't have said, and words spread like wild fire. As a result, my teammates seem to be really angry with me and I am suffering the consequences of awkward silence around them. Although I have sent out an unofficial and generic apology, I doubt that it has helped the situation. I've once heard that words can stab like knives and once the damage is done; scars remain even after the wound has healed.

Lessons learned:

1. I need to let go when others do not meet my expectations for what their responsibilities should be. I can be harsh on myself but not on others because I need to respect their standards on how they should live their lives and be more understanding of their situations. Drowning my head with negative thoughts when others don't fit my definition of "doing one's job" would only hurt myself and result in negative interpersonal interactions.
   
2. Be careful of what I say. Once words are out of the mouth, they can't be taken back and some relationships are forever damaged as a result.